Pidyon HaBen, or "redeeming" a firstborn male child so that he doesn't have to serve in the Holy Temple in Jerusalem in the Messianic times, which by all accou
nts are just around the corner. I've never actually been to a Pidyon HaBen, but it involves putting the baby on a tray, exchanging him for silver coins, and paying a kohen a small fee to do this for you.
You're supposed to do this for a baby when he's 30 days old. We have not done this for Nani, so we're waiting for the kohanim to come kidnap him, any day now.
Shaking a lulav and etrog. You see, during the holiday of Sukkot, we build huts in our backyards and live in them (well, ok, eat in them. most meals.), to get back to nature and reflect on our dependence on God and the universe. Also, we spend up to thousands of dollars purchasing a giant herbaceous phallus and citric ovum, the
n gather them together in our hands at least once a day during the holiday to shake around. And how dare you suggest that Judaism absorbed anything from pagan cultures.
Kaparot, literally "atonements". Before Yom Kippur, the Day of Judgment,
we symbolically transfer our sins to a chicken by waving it over our heads three times. Then the chicken is slaughtered and given to charity. Many people today do this with money instead, which is by far less fun, especially for the chicken. Strikes me as hilarious that many Orthodox Jews scoff at Christians for believing that Jesus died for their sins, when only each individual can truly repent for her sins. Well then, what about that poor godforsaken chicken? Also, since we already transferred our sin
s to the chicken/money, why do we have to fast, again?
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